Welcome back wonderful friends of Onometalkam.I was going through this topic on theprayingwoman.com and i thought I should share with you:


What would you change if you could go back in
I’m sure we’ve all thought through that question at
some point or another. For me in particular, the
whole area of love and relationships is one that I
wish I could go back and “tweak”. There is much I
wish I would have known, much I wish I could have
done differently, so many lies I wish I wouldn’t
have believed. But I can’t go back- and you know
what, that’s okay.
Because through the process of finding love I’ve
learned a lot. My eyes have been opened to a lot
of the beliefs that hindered me through my dating
years and through that process, I have been able to
encourage others. The following myths have done
a lot of harm in the lives of many young adults:
mine included.
while back (and I’m talking…a long while back), I
had a dozen roses shipped to my house by a guy
who had taken an interest in me. Not sure if it
was my frizzy hair or bad make-up that attracted
him (you ever look back at those pictures and
wonder how you ever walked out of the house
looking like that?) Anyway, it was a sweet gesture
from a decent young man, but to be frank, I wasn’t
interested. Thankfully, I was at a healthy place in
life and it didn’t take long for me to know that he
wasn’t the right fit for me. So, rather than prolong
the whole thing, I told him where I was at.
I’ll never forget that day, because at the end of the
conversation he made sure to tell me that I would
be an “old maid” some day with how picky I was
about dating. Now granted, he may have spoken
out of his disappointment, but the truth is, he isn’t
the first person who said that to me during my
dating years. I can count numerous men and
women who have uttered those words in my
presence, whether geared toward me or someone I
know. People I love and trusted, who really
believed that you could miss out on marriage by
being too choosy. Seriously? Since when is taking
the time to make the biggest decision you will ever
make in your life considered picky?
Looking back, they were ALL wrong- and I’m
thankful I stuck to what I believed in my heart. I
am so glad I didn’t settle and waited for God to
send me the man- who is not perfect, but perfect
for me. He’s the right fit, and I knew it in my heart
more and more each day as we dated. It was
natural, it was easy, it was for real. Don’t let
yourself believe this lie, and trust your heart (and
spirit!). Because marriage is a decision you live with for the rest of your life.
2. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS , EVER, ONLY DATE TO MARRY: I used to be a firm believer of this. You know, the
days of reading books about “courtship” and
“kissing dating goodbye” and not interacting with
someone until you absolutely know that they’re the
one. But, eventually, my misinterpretation of these
concepts got me in a lot trouble.
There was a season in my life that I really looked
down on the concept of “dating around” as they
called it- and thought that if I was going to date
someone, I better be pretty darn sure I was going
to marry them in the end. Because ultimately,
that’s the goal, right? But here’s the thing- life isn’t
always so cut and dry. Sometimes, things just
don’t work out and have to come to and end. And
sometimes, ending those things is the best
decision a person could have ever made.
While I would have (and still do) agree that dating
is a stepping stone to marriage, deep down, the
fear of failing in a relationship was actually what
was driving me in how I interacted with the
opposite sex. I didn’t want to fail God, to fail
others, or to fail in my Christian walk. And the fear
of failure can be a very paralyzing thing. For me, it
paralyzed me into staying in a relationship that I
knew wasn’t right for me for far too long. Just
because I was afraid to fail. Just because I was
afraid of playing the “dating game”.
Looking back now, I see failure after failure in my
relationship history. But I still see God’s hand all
over my past. He comforted me, guided me,
stretched me, and taught me more than I realized
then. So even when relationships don’t work out in
the end, it’s not simply failure or wasted time.
Sometimes, it’s freedom into a future that’s far
beyond your scope in the here and now.
Because nothing – absolutely nothing- is ever
wasted in the hands of the Creator.
Some people fall on the totally opposite end of
being “too picky”. I’ve had the unfortunate
opportunity to interact with men and women
dating some pretty unqualified (that’s a gracious
understatement) individuals…all because they
think it’s the best they can get.
People tend to end up with someone who they
believe they deserve-and sadly, for some people,
their view of themselves causes them to think
they deserve very little.
I look back at some of the people I invested in,
and see a sad reflection of the view I had of
myself. I’m thankful that God slowly
transformed that view, allowing me to believe I
deserve- not just good, but God’s best.
Change your beliefs about yourself–and then
wait for the best.
YOUR FRIENDSHIP: This phrase is used to often in
the dating world, but now that I’m married, I
don’t even really know what that means or how
this myth has stuck around for so long. Here
are some thoughts I have about this phrase:
You’re supposed to marry your best friend.
Someone you connect with deeply on an
emotional, spiritual, social and physical level. A
friend who you can laugh with, talk to til 4am,
and cry with, but also have the freedom to do
absolutely nothing with. If you have that with
someone of the opposite sex, maybe the
friendship is the first step of something bigger.
That’s the best case scenario.
Worst case scenario, a friendship doesn’t ever
blossom into the stage of romantic feelings and
the friendship changes. In my opinion, that’s
still a okay!
When I got married, the friendships I had with
the opposite sex changed drastically anyway.
When John became my priority, I had to guard
my marriage by setting up boundaries with guys
and distancing myself in different ways. They
were no longer carrying the role they used to
carry, because they were not my husband. He
was the only man that was to carry certain
roles in my life. So like it or not, your
friendships with the opposite sex will always
change, either now, or later when you meet your
The deep friendship you have with your spouse
should never be shared with someone else. If
your friendship changes now…it’s less you have
to deal with later.
meet people all the time who think the issues
and arguments that keep tripping them up in
dating will magically disappear when they are
But for some reason this rule is never applied to
other things in life. Things are what they are,
and we expect them to stay that way. “It is
what it is” has never been more accurate than it
is in the world of dating.
When I meet with couples in marriage
counseling, so much of the time the things that
they are dealing with, the traits are driving them
crazy, and the habits that they can’t seem to
get control of – are things that began to take
root in their dating years, but they chose to
ignore. Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years and these
things are magnified more than ever. Marriage
is the pressure cooker that brings them to the
Don’t rush marriage as the resolution, but seek
to find the solutions in your dating relationship-
if a solution is to be found, it will be there.
Because at the end of the day, “it is what it
is”. So make sure it’s really, really good.

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